All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true… I was made for you
1. A discussion with Castiel about her father, thereby confirming once an for all, that Jimmy is in fact in heaven and not still in Cas’ vessel.
2. A way to save Castiel because Claire should have some of his residual grace inside of her.
That second point warrants the most discussion I think. It would make the throw away 9x11 grace plot point not so throw away anymore…
Celebrating Supernatural -
23 Day Countdown Challenge
Day 6 - Episode 18
Theme - Dean Winchester's Journal
I had Gadreel. I had him and I… I let him go.
A trade - Gadreel for Cas.
And there just wasn’t any other choice.
I lost it back there. The last thing I remember was telling myself that I can’t kill him because we need him to talk. That’s it. I woke up, on the ground, fucking exhausted and scared the fuck out of my mind because I spent God knows how long beating the shit out of a fucking angel and I didn’t feel a damned thing. Just…exhaustion and fear and all that bloodlust – wanting more, wanting the kill, needing the kill – was burning under my skin so freakin’ bad I wanted to crawl straight out of it.
But I gave him up. I gave up my mission, my revenge, my fuckin’ crusade.
For Cas. And I’d do it again.
And for a little while after that, kinda felt like old times. The three of us sat at a booth in an old diner, ate some greasy food, and just…I dunno…just acted like family. And fucked if it didn’t feel good to smile.
Until Cas found out. Until I had to look at the fuckin’ disappointment on his face when he saw the Mark, when he realized what I’ve done. When he realized just the kind of fucking monster I am. Just like everyone else. And I know I’ve hurt him. I kicked him out, I’ve pushed him away, I’ve used him, I’ve been a fuckin’ dick to him for years…but I’ve never seen him look at me like that. It was just disappointment and..and..I dunno. Fear, I guess. He knew before, but now there’s no doubt in the dude’s head that there is something wrong with me. That I’m broken. And I just knew I was gonna lose the one fucking guy that was keeping me tethered to what was still freakin’ human in me.
I still called him the night we got back to the bunker. I just… The itching in my veins was mind-numbing, and the screaming was so fucking loud I couldn’t even see straight. I was shaking and the want and the need was just too fuckin’ much. So I called Cas.
I thought, maybe, I could apologize…try to convince him not to give up on me, too. But when he answered the phone, he just started talking.
He recited the entire “Song of Songs” to me.
The whole time, I heard his breath catching, sniffling…struggling to stay in control of himself. And I just shook. Because it was too much… It was too fucking much. I closed my eyes and shook and fucking prayed to a God that probably doesn’t even exist anymore for help. For all of us. Because this… Why do I have to lose this, too?
It was quiet for a long time after Cas finished. Hours maybe. Both of us just…fuckin’ lost.
Cas finally ended the call, like he always does.
But this time… This time Cas had something to say.
“Dean… I have lived for a very, very long time. But it wasn’t until becoming human that I realized that my memories of infinite lifetimes observed are meaningless in comparison to those of a single lifetime lived. You taught me that. You gave me that.”
I could hear him crying then, not even tryin’ to hold it back. And I think I choked out his name, but I was too busy replaying all of that over and over in my head. But then he said:
“Don’t give up on life, Dean. Give in to it. And I’ll be here. For as long as I am alive.”
And so I broke. Broke down to the tune of my fucking salvation from the lips of the angel trying to drag my ass back out of Hell again. Cas ain’t ever gonna stop tryin’ to save me, I get that now. Probably not even after I’m gone. Can’t blame him. I’d do the same damn thing. Probably why I love the dumb sonuvabitch so much.
I just… what he said stuck. Even through the haze of the screaming and the voices and the blood and fucking everything that’s tearing me apart…his words are louder. They keep breaking through and maybe…
Maybe I don’t have to die to make this right.
Back to Episode 17
charlie + jo || high school au
they meet on accident, fall in love… and show each other their worlds.
made to accompany this